|does this bag match my banana?
||[Oct. 15th, 2004|01:28 pm]
once upon a time a week ago last summer three girls, by the names of stacey, brittany, and jessica, sat poolside during an elderly couples water aerobics class. having just recovered from a major meltdown involving the exclusive IM session stacey and jessica were having with each other, which didn't involve brittany, who had brought them to her mother's boyfriend's resort complex in the first place, brittany gazed absent mindedly at the women bouncing in a less than graceful manner up and down, up and down in the water. she considered the skirts arranged around their waists, and poked the fat that appeared above her bikini from her most recent abortion. If only there was a stylish way to cover her abortion pooch, she thought. |
it seemed that girls just like brittany, with low self esteem, a slouchy mid-section, and a general apathy for exercising, felt they had been disregarded in the fashion world. while this is probably very close to the truth, considering most fashion designers are gay men fantasizing about how their latest will look on their boyfriend, it is hard to fathom that they could be insensitive enough to turn a cold shoulder to the thousands of women under the age of 20, who floundered through life with a poochy middle.
unable to control her desire, and conveniently heading to the bathroom to throw up her lunch anyways, brittany flung her cosmo sex hints special to the patio and dove into the water, tearing the tropical seastar wrap from Ester Monroe, the low impact water-size instructer, and positioning it over her pooch.
horrified to be seen in public with brittany, but torn because they didn't want to give up clubhouse weekends hookups brittany's mom provided, stacey and jessica rushed home to alter a tube top for poochly-challenged women of america. skinny on top, with a flouncy bottom that appeared almost mini skirt potential, but should be worn with jeans to prevent the inevitable fat sack forming when the boy who nails you for a "good personality" (being able to see your underwear when the wind blows your shirt up) makes you cry and you gain 20 pounds on chinese takeout and pimp my ride reruns.
soon women across the nation, but mainly those that shopped at your to old to be wearing this but you do anyways boutiques caught on to what was supposed to just be charity for a fat girl that showed to much pooch. brittany is still sporting her original seastar sarang, and besides the daily "when are you due?" inquries, is quite happy whoring herself with the protection of birth control, and tube top dress like shirt things. she wears it with her louis vuitton bag which fits her banana perfectly.
her intentions, however, are often misconstrued when she whips her banana out instead of the foundation/condom/pencil/checkbooko she was looking for. because the bag just isn't big enough for those unpractical items. it is, however, perfect for her banana.